Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
