Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I am midnight drunk by noon
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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