U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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