I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
