remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
