when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
