I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
