While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
