Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize