so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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