I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
