My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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