Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
