Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Found the puke drawer
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
