Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
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