My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize