I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
