I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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