im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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