Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
