he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
