I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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