then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
