based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
