I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
