Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
