please come you make the beer taste better
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
