can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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