We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
