One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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