youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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