did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
