It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Text me some of your sweat
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