Apparently you make a good broom.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
