dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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