last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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