Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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