I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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