hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
