you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize