Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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