Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
