How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
