i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
