if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
