Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dear god my vagina.
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