Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
