Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
