I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
