11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
