FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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