They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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