38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
