It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
