the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
