Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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