I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
