i think my tv is drunk
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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