So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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