Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My liver just broke up with me...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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