He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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