I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
