oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize