You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
only you would photoshop your dick
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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