Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
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