you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
