The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
