I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
