I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
