why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
