Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
