"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You may now shotgun with the bride
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
