She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
