There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Everything about him screamed your future.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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