i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
