you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She told me I should be a condom model.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
