Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
