If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize