I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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