I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
