So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
