I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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