My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
