Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize