Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
