he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize