I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
