I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize