Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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