Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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