He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
