We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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