Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw a hot homeless man
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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