At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
