my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
