hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
