Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
