You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
