imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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