Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
