No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
