just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
