Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
