Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
