Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
