I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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