hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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