The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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