she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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