Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
