I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Little spoons don't ask big questions
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
