It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
