I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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