Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
