May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
