I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize