the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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